PenPal Love

I took my first painful fall a couple of days ago. I got all the way home and right outside the door to our building I slipped right down the hill and smacked my head on the ice. The package I had picked up from the post office slid all the way down the road and I just stayed there and listened to it, thinking, 'please stop.' I checked to make sure no one saw the fall, then put my head back down. I felt old. Remember when you were little and you could take the most dramatic falls and bounce right back from them?... This morning I realised how far behind me my childhood is.  I am in pain.
I've been having these thoughts a lot lately. I'll be wrapped up in a dirty joke with the old men I work with or be talking business with management and I stop to wonder when I became an adult. When did I go from being a little girl taking direction from grown ups, to calling the shots and having adult conversations. When did I cross the line between wanting to live with my parents forever and getting on a plane to move 1472 miles away to the arctic. When did 'someday' become the present? When I was little I wanted to grow up and have a house full of babies, I said I would start when I was twenty. I'm almost twenty two now and I still feel like the twelve year old girl who never thought her sixteenth birthday would come. Where did the time go?
Since I want to be in one piece for the years to come, I am going to head over to Arctic Ventures and buy a pair of shoe spikes. The ground is so slick here, like a City wide skating rink. I thought my Baffin boots would cut it but even they don't grip. Most of the people here wear spikes, like removable cleats. It also helps to walk on the dirt trails. They don't use salt here to melt the ice, they simply sprinkle a trail of dirt along the walk way. I like the lack of salt, my boots stay the colour they were made to be. The roads also get "dirted," (rather than salted, heh, that made me laugh) and they become this slick, cappuccino colour. Some mornings they look almost like marble. The people here are used to skidding and sliding around on the roads but as a pedestrian it terrifies me. It seems that the vehicle of choice during arctic winters is a snow mobile, often with a large sled tied to the back. I see them zipping by our living room window and every time it makes me think about how different life is here. Sometimes I get comfortable and forget what the life I came from looked like. Which is one of the many reasons I need to fulfill my goal to successfully keep pen pals. I know the art of love via letter is almost dead but I feel like its a really cool way to build and keep relationships with people I adore. I know most of my love letter recipients wont write back so I simply send up dates. Other than Christmas cards, I wrote my dear friend John Sanfillipo this month and my newly recruited pen pal, Mr. Patrick Clancy, who thus far is the only person who has agreed to the writing part of this kind of exchange.
If you'd like to write me, and you should know that getting mail is often the best part of my day, my address here is, PO BOX 130, Iqaluit, Nunavut, X0A 0H0.
My hope is that no post office trip for the remainder of the winter will result in bad falls, and every trip will result in feeling love in an envelope.

Here's to a fantastic Christmas Eve spent with people we love. Although I will be spending tomorrow evening in an intoxicated blurr with my family away from family, I will be thinking of all of you and missing each and every face in Oakville.

 

Super Glue

Saturday is finally here. Although it doest mean a weekend for me, it does mean one day off. This morning I woke up at six am. Matthew still snoring away beside me actually has to get up "early" for work and is still sleeping. This is what happens when you wake up everyday to be at work before the rest of the City even enters REM sleep.

I tried to fall back into my dream, I just couldn't do it. I think there is a certain romantic quality to being up so early. A chance to embrace the entire day. Like when Jesse Tuck makes Winnie Foster promise him that she'll get up with the sun everyday while he's gone. Mind you, getting up with the sun in Iqaluit would mean sleeping until ten or ten thirty at this time of year.



The Sun Rising, Wednesday December 15th just after 10 am


 I like the peace that the morning brings, and the peace of mind it brings to know you haven't wasted precious minutes. Ask me how I felt about mornings a couple years ago and the story would be entirely reversed.

I find that being a creature of the night also brings with it some dangers. I am probably the biggest day dreamer that you will ever meet. When I spend half of my day alone, I spend a lot of time in my head. Creating dreams for big things to come, plans for retirement. I also find myself narrating my movements, not like a sports caster but more like a writer. I think in full sentences and re think them as edited versions, the way I would write them on paper. Maybe that's the reason I feel so intelligent in my head but so silly when I speak things that hardly make sense... I never had time to edit those thoughts.

Everyday, at least once a day I remind myself to think of something to blog about. This week has been slightly dull. My biggest blog worthy thought... the importance of super glue in my life.

If you are moving far away from home, take with you some super glue. It has come in more handy than anything I have purchased. Every single one of us receives boxes from home, and every single one of us has pulled something out of the boxes that has arrived in multiple little pieces. Zara's parents sent her little glass tree ornaments, angels who had lost their wings in transport. Ellie's best friend sent her a little ceramic sign that reads 'believe,' or at least it does now that its been super glued back together. My biggest project on the go... a candle holder. I bought it down south for four dollars, it has a partner who is shorter and whose stem actually stayed intact while it travelled from Oakville to Iqaluit. Obviously, I purchased them for a reason. I wanted them to sit side by side as a centerpiece at Christmas dinner. So the stem on this holder broke, but really, it didn't so much break as it did shatter... into tiny little pieces. The holder stands about ten inches high and the stem on it is about as thin as my thinnest stiletto heal. I sat for hours puzzling the shards back together and I thought it would work. Finally I had the pieces in the right places and was left with the two halves. Sadly, even super glue cant solve this. The bottom and the top now sit together on my desk because although I've given up hope, I cannot bring myself to admit it out loud and I certainly don't have the heart to send them to the dump.

In other exciting Christmas news, I received a box recently, from my dad and step-mom Stacey. It was a fantastic, magical little box that had me on the verge of tears. Inside it were cards from family members, my grams, aunts, uncles, cousins and parents. Little individual gifts all packaged together. In each card was a tiny envelope and each envelope had a number on it. Everyone in my family had taken a small tree ornament and put their pictures inside of it for me. I am opening them as a count down to Christmas. Stacey got lots of people that I love involved. I received days one, two, three and four from my aunts, uncles, cousins and dad. Five came in a Christmas card from Andrea and Dale. Six through ten came in Stacey's box and are here waiting to be opened. Eleven and twelve must still be out there somewhere. What a heart warming gift. I will keep you posted on the rest of my countdown. Thank you to my wonderful family.

All my love from snowy, slippery Iqaluit

Iqaluit's Children

When we were children we learned not to talk to strangers. Now that I am a woman I have discovered that the best way to get the most beauty out of life is to talk to every stranger that I possibly can. I coo at every baby and tell every mother how gorgeous her children are. I smile a grin from ear to ear for every stranger who looks me in the eye. The best part about it is that it feels so good to smile and mean it. I meet people everyday in Iqaluit with incredible stories. I hear about what brought them to Iqaluit, where they came from, and what keeps them here. I hear cultural stories and the stories of the families and children who have lived a lifestyle that is completely different from the way that I grew up.

I was having dinner with some friends the other day, when Cassie from work asked, "How do you describe Iqaluit to your friends and family?"

I laughed because describing Iqaluit to anyone is one of the most difficult things I've ever tried to word. Cassie is a beautifully spoken woman. Who also happens to be another Jamaican blooded girl in the Arctic. Cassie said, "I tell them one thing... Iqaluit is as beautiful as it is horrible."

Those words are perfect.

Which takes me back to embracing the strangers in my life, the people who show me the extents of beauty and horror. If I hadn't been open to meeting strangers and welcoming them into my life, if I hadn't wanted to be part of my community, I would never have met anyone like my eleven year old friend Qalaapik.

Qalaapik is an innocent soul, trapped in a lifestyle that I wouldn't wish upon any child. She is brilliant and talented and so incredibly loving. She has learned from every single mistake that her parents continue to make. She will be a guiding light for her generation, a roll model.

The beautiful part is the soul behind every story. The horrible part is the story.

Last night I had her shower, I made her a meal that covered every food group. I gave her my pajamas to put on and keep warm in and I made her a bed on the couch the way my mom used to do when I was staying home sick. Before I tucked her in to sleep, she hugged me, she held on so tightly and she said to me, "I wish you were my mommy."

I could barely hold back my tears. I bundled her up in blankets and turned the light out. She was happy to have so much room to herself to sleep. She is used to sharing her bed with her younger brother and sister.

I got in bed because I had to be at work for five am this morning. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how this eleven year old girl spends so much time knowing that she isn't welcome to come home. I couldn't and never will be able to comprehend the way that her parents told her to spend the night with me, without even asking my name. I have never met this child's parents. They don't know if I live in a house or on the street. They don't know my heart or what I could have done to their daughter had I been someone else. These people tear my heart to shreds. I am weeping as I write this.

I got out of bed, I stood in my doorway and I watched her sleep. I felt so much love for her, in that moment I wanted to give her everything I have to offer.

My family down South advises me not to come home with babies I've taken from parents who don't want them. Although I can understand it, it hurts to hear. I would give anything for everyone to experience this. I wish everyone knew how it felt to see these children and know that even the least we could offer them is more than what they have now.

It was so easy for me to take her in and love her for one night. I would do it every night for every child if I could.

I have a wish to share with all of you who are reading this entry. I wish that you would please pray for Iqaluit's children. Pray that even if they are stuck in a home with no love that love will find them when they need it. Pray that God will hold them while they sleep. Pray that somehow life's most important lessons will be taught to them. Pray for them.

I say it all the time. I say that my life is crazy and hectic. The truth is that I welcome it. I welcome all of these incredible, terrible, wonderful experiences that I've been having. I am so humbled by where my life has landed. I have never felt so compassionate and engaged. I have been a very lucky woman. I feel that for the first time, I am really truly experiencing life and I thank God all the time for showing me this place, this experience that honestly is as beautiful as it is horrible.

Chocolate Countdowns

One of my very favorite things about adventure and travel is having opportunities to meet incredible people. I have this overly sentimental side that allows me to become attached to people quickly. It also allows me to love beyond what some would think normal. It helps that I think life is too short not to love to the best of our ability. Last month when I was in Oakville, I was walking out the front door of my dad's house with him. I was telling him how much I loved someone, I cant remember who, just someone I was feeling particularly fond of at the time. My dad looked at me and said, "is there anyone you don't love?"

I stopped in my tracks, and thought really hard about his question. There is no one that I have met in my lifetime that I don't feel some amount of love for. Even the people who have royally screwed me over hold some space in my heart.

Today was a big day for us in Iqaluit. Tim Horton's grand opening took place today. We witnessed a really fantastic ceremony. Every big wig from both Tim's and NWC was present. We spent extra time perfecting donuts for the showcase that was the backdrop for the gathering. Susan Aglukark graced us with her presence and has teamed up with Tim's and NWC to raise awareness for projects geared towards children's benefits. Her band flies in tomorrow for a benefit show tomorrow night.

Tomorrow is also a big night for our immediate Tim's family as two of the five store opening team members are leaving us and heading on to other projects. Moe, Kaila, Amanda, Brad and Pat have been an absolute gift to have around. Brad actually trained me while I was in Oakville and I knew how badly he wanted to come up to Iqaluit for this store opening. I was so excited for him when I walked up stairs to find him in the office. (He holds a special place in my heart because he reminds me exactly of a grown up version of my little cousin Ty. I think about it every time I see him and it brightens my day)

Lucky for this bunch, we had to push back our opening because cream and milk didn't arrive on schedule and these guys got three days off to explore our city. Once the cream came, it was down to work. I've spent almost all of my working time baking with Pat Clancy. Whose mother's name is Nancy Clancy. (I couldn't write this blog without including that fun fact) This guy has literally been my rock while I've re-adjusted to four o'clock am alarms. His ex-girlfriend's excellently diverse Ipod on high volume combined with his often lame, sometimes dirty but mostly hilarious sense of humour has kept me from falling asleep during production. This is an official shout out to my new friend Pat.

Pat and Moe are leaving on Sunday, which made today my last shift with Patrick. Luckily, the stay for the rest of the group has been extended until my two new girls move up here from the South.

Needless to say I am going to miss these guys.

While we're on the topic of missing things, lets talk about the sun and the snow... again. The sun continues to go down earlier and earlier. I get to work when its dark and its dark by the time I leave. I have no windows in my bakery. For the last week I have missed the sun like I've missed my beauty sleep. I am also missing snow. It seems that it will snow for days and when I finally sit down to blog that I think I've seen lasting white stuff, it rains or gets warm enough to melt it. Don't get me wrong, the hills and surrounding area are almost completely blanketed in snow but I cant help longing for surroundings that remotely resemble my life long mental picture of what the arctic should look like.

Even if the outdoors doesnt look like Christmas should just yet, our apartment is starting to fit the part. Matt and I put the tree that we bought at the store up last week and I decorated it yesterday. Presents from home line the bottom of the tree and have created a new kind of cat tree fort for the kitties. Of course, our chocolate advent calendars are stationed on the kitchen table, leaning against the wall, courtesy of momma Grigg. Mine is pink and boasts all of Disney's princesses while Matt's celebrates the NHL.

So here's to Tim's, new loves and chocolate countdowns.

Life is beautiful.

All my love, from Iqaluit.

Donut Delay

Other than the terrible pain that took over my right ear, all I was feeling as my Jazz flight was landing on the tundra was relief. Finally, I had made it home. Home to my quiet life with my laid back friends in calm, easy going Iqaluit. The quiet lasted until the Tim's store opening crew landed and shifted my world into high gear.

The three locations are totally put together and they look beautiful. Yesterday we held an orientation for new team members. I stood in the back with Kaila and Mo from the ops team, baking the first batches of Tim Horton's donuts to ever come out of an oven in Nunavut. It felt monumental. Our soon-to-be store manager, Rick, sent me out to grab the current store manager, Eldon and a camera, so that we could document the moment. I feel blessed to be a part of the insanity.  Overwhelmed is another feeling that has taken hold of me.

When Matt picked me up from the airport he told me that we had moved into the one bedroom apartment that we had wanted to move into. He, along with our fantastic neighbors, moved all of our belongings over while I was away. Our new apartment is really nice. It is directly next door to our last place. The bedroom is small and the living area, dining room and kitchen are open concept but modest, warm and inviting. I bought lots of picture frames when I was South so I now have pictures of our friends and family stationed around the apartment.

On the twenty-fourth, Katie, Stephen and Shemekia moved into our old apartment. They are settling in nicely and we can barely hear the baby crying through the wall. I am going over to spend some time with them and help set up their new Christmas tree tomorrow.

We have the day off tomorrow because we had to push back the date of our soft store opening. We had planned on opening early to smooth out the kinks before the grand opening but our permits didn't come through in time and our cream and milk has yet to be delivered. I'm about to say it again... welcome to the North. 

I saw the final article printed in the Oakville beaver about our store opening. Actually I saw a picture of the article that was posted on my wall by my old friend Dayna. How exciting.

I also received a really cool message on facebook from a pair of fellow GTA-ers, named Alex and Luke. I hadn't heard their story before the message but I wanted to share it here because it is incredible. Alex and Luke are best friends from my home town area who are travelling across all of North American in their VW Rabbit. Their trip is fueled by social media. Their followers on sites like twitter and facebook have been deciding where they would travel to and what they would do while they were there. Nunavut is one of the last places left for the adventurers to visit. Alex read the article about me in the beaver and messaged me to see if we could meet up while they are in Iqaluit. I am so inspired by their journey and am so excited for the chance to meet them. They were supposed to fly in today so hopefully I will see them soon.

A day light update ... almost none. When I left for work this morning at ten to eight, it was still dark, the light was just starting to make its entrance. Around one thirty pm, the sun began to set and by the time I walked home from work just after four, it was as dark as midnight.

The weather brought us a blizzard last week and then warm, rainy days and cold nights. We have had roads like skating rinks. The last few days have been fairly mild. It seems that the arctic is having an identity crisis this fall.

Butterflies

My training at Tim Horton's training centre ended yesterday. I finished it off with a successful re-cert of first aid and CPR. The days flew by and I met some highly entertaining, kind people.

Sometimes I find myself going through really uneasy feelings, I brace myself for it and ride it out. I'm feeling that right now, in the pit of my stomach are butterflies and I cant say for sure why they're hanging out in there.

It may be because I've met so many great people here and leaving means that I will probably lose contact with the majority of them. That has always been something that I wish I could avoid in life.

It could be because I never found enough minutes in the days and didn't get to spend time with a lot of my old Oakvillian friends, which I will regret until the day I get home for vacation.

The flutterbies are probably there in huge part because I'm nervous for the store opening. I'm nervous because quiet little Iqaluit has become some sort of sanctuary for me, where the stresses of Southern life are exterminated and the mentality of 'Welcome to the North' has become just that, welcoming. I'm nervous because of the expectations of Tim Horton's, and the driving forces behind the name. I'm nervous that bringing this power house of a company into my peaceful world with disturb it in anyway.

I could also be feeling this because I'm terribly excited. I am beyond myself to be able to be a part of this project, I've been on this excitement high since the day I found out I was coming to Oakville to train.

The unease of going back to Iqaluit also has something to do with my pull in both directions. I hate the crowds of Toronto... even the crowds of Oakville now. However, the other day we headed downtown with our new district manager to see the Leafs play the Canucks. As we drove past the CN Tower, and into the downtown core, the look on Stephen's face, the excitement behind his and Katie's eyes... it was magic, like a child walking into Disney World for the first time. I was proud to be from the GTA, from a place that has the power to wow guests.

I am also proud to be a Nunavumiut now, I want to show my new home to the world and wish I could share the smell, the sights and the culture. I wish I could share the rush of breathing crisp air into your lungs after stepping out the front door to greet the morning.  I wish I could share the friends that are quickly becoming my family away from family.

When the butterflies subside, when I step off the plane and back onto the tundra, when I make it home without breaking any of my breakables (and all of the perfectly wrapped Christmas gifts from Momma Grigg and my step mom Stacey)... I will write a blog about finding my inner peace again and probably about my preparations for Christmas. I have decided to get into the spirit a little earlier this year so that I don't have a second to miss Christmas in Oakville. I took a productive Walmart shopping trip yesterday, I went with baby Gabriella, which made my heart very happy... and our mommies, which was equally as wonderful.

My theme this year for Christmas is pastry... cupcakes in particular. Sorry Matthew...

In my next blog I may also include the link to the online article they published about me but only if they edit the mistakes they made. I am a tough critic and to be fair, they called my Katie a supervisor instead of a manager, so I had to get them to change it. Hopefully it will be edited before it goes to print.

I cant wait to unpack all of my new Christmas treasures and to be back with my Matt, Jack and Sadie.

All my love, from Oakville.

Being Everywhere at Once

My eyes are beat red and my head keeps slowly falling to one side. I cannot give in to the desire to nap. My days in Oakville are long and exhausting yet I cannot manage to find enough time during these passing days to see and do all that I wish I could.

My work load has been a challenge, getting up at three am, even more so. The crowds are tiring my mind and my nerves. I miss the quiet of Iqaluit terribly. I find the volume of people here and the high stress environment makes me much more anxious than it used to. Being here again makes Iqaluit feel more like home, a safe place to return to.

I miss my new found family there. I am so blessed and lucky to be able to be here and to visit with so many of the people I love but to balance that with work has worn me down and I find myself longing to be back with the tundra.

I have had a wonderful experience here. Firstly, my hotel suite is fantastic and having a big cloud-like bed to spread out in is such a luxury. The people at the Training Centre have been so hospitable and kind. I have met some truly incredible people, including my new partner in crime, Miss Katie Inukshuk.

Katie and I will be running our Tim Horton's together in Iqaluit. On my first day in training she walked into the staff room to introduce herself and I had this urge to hug her. She is fantastic and her sense of humour will keep our working relationship alive with laughter. We've been plotting and planning for success and have so many wonderful ideas to bring back with us. I know without a doubt that we are going to be a killer duo and my excitement about returning and diving into this project is at an all time high.

On a high note, my talent for baking and decorating donuts is progressing... On a low note, and I'm sorry to say, Tim Horton's Iqaluit will not have an Iced Capp machine.

We will also be without a drive through, soup and sandwiches and a few other hot drinks. Serving the basics will surely keep us busy enough to start out.

I had a day off yesterday and used my time to creep Ellen's facebook page, where I found an updated picture of one of our Tim's counters. My heart did a little flutter. I excite easily.

Spending time with my friends here has been hard to do and I haven't spent nearly enough time with my parents and siblings. Ive been cuddling my mom at every chance and had my sister stay with me at the hotel for some sister loving the other night.

My "loving" sister emailed me after I landed here to tell me that she booked an appointment and put a deposit down on the matching tattoos we had been "planning" for years. I never imagined the day would come that we would actually go through with it.

I now have a tattoo down my left thigh that reads, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living." Jenna has it written down the side of her ribs. It is the repeated verse from one of our favorite books from childhood. Sort of our reminder of each other when we're so far from one another, a tribute to each other and our family. Our brother Brett plans to follow with the, "As long as I'm living," as a tattoo across his heart.

I still have a week here, I feel so torn between missing my Iqaluit family and and the nerves that are rising inside of me, knowing that I'll once again be flying away from my home town, and everyone here that I adore and miss everyday. I miss Matthew and my cats, my new friends and even work.

Ive gotten every kiss possible out of baby Gabriella and told her I love her a million and one times. I've done some shopping for jeans and other things that lack in selection in the North. I've seen faces that I love and done some serious catching up.

I am almost ready to head back, but will enjoy every last second that I have here. 

I had a chat with a gentleman from the paper the other day, so keep a look out for an article in the Beaver.

All my love... from Oakville this time.